Cruising For Bike Boyfriends

How to cruise a bike boyfriend you ask? Here is the OFFICIAL Breezee One formula to getting the bike boyfriend off his bike and in your bed!

Cruise on your bike (if you have one) over to POP'S bar on 24th. Start there with a drank that's gonna give you wings, such as Red Bull and cheap vodka. Sip on it at the bar. Scope the babes. Once you have found the babe you like best, assess the situation. Ask yourselves these questions:

1: Is he with a female already?

2: Is he gay? You may have to get close to make a better judgement. If he IS gay, clearly You think he is a babe, so use him as your cutie to pick up other guys. Become his buddy.

3: Who's he with? One friend, a few, a co-ed group? If there us a mix of ladies and gents, approach the ladies and charm them. Make them laugh, get them on your side. The guys will only want to talk to you too.

4: Whats he drankin' on? If it's Hamm's and he is surrounded by cans, chances are he is
already drunk and an easy target. The pitfall of bringing the drunk-off-PBR boyfriend back to your bed, is that you will spend the next 30mins pleading with his dick to get hard, until you finally accept the fact you must now spend at least 6 hours with this dude in your bed. Unsatisfied.

Ok, so by now, you've finished your drink. Hopefully you are smoothly chatting up a hottie about his bike and how you've seen him around town. If you have not had success at POPS, try other popular bike boyfriend spots such as Dolores Park, The Wiggle, Elboroom, Rainbow, or Benders bar.

Where Are All The Boyfriends @?

Being a hetero female in San Francisco is tough work. In the two years I've lived here I have been on an endless slew of Internet dates, had a shit ton of one-night stands and even made a missed connection or two for the hotties around town. Clearly, no luck as I am sitting on my bed alone, wondering: where are all the boyfriends at?

Thought #1: You all have girlfriends.
Cant be possible as I would probably be a girlfriend to a boyfriend, and this blog wouldn't exist

Thought #2: There are so many single straight ladies and so few straight guys that they can have multiple ladies all the time.
I'm wondering if this is statistically true, but if it is, this has GOT to be the reason.

Thought #3: I have boned down almost every Elboroom employee and words gotten out that I suck a mean one
Not girlfriend material?


Also, have you noticed that a LOT of Mission Boyfriends have performance issues? Seriously. Is it from riding that fixed gear, weed/PBR/blow/skinny jeans? All things I love myself. Ugh!

Boyfriend #001